Your plant is dead.
Don’t fool yourself. Don’t try watering it. And don’t you dare go out and buy another succulent. Face it: you can’t take care of plants. No one can.
But everyone should look like they can—at least at a “B” level. No one deserves the leering eye of the gardening leisure class, judging your substandard horticulture, your humiliating lack of southern exposure.
That’s what drives us at Slightly Browning Fake Plants. We aspire to bring you the highest-quality replicas of acceptable-quality plants. Because everyone's a little hurt; everyone's a little bent. Everyone is Slightly Browning.
And everyone deserves slightly better.